MONTHLY UPDATE…WHY I HATE TULUM, VIKING HALLOWEEN PARTY, FAMILY REUNION FESTIVAL, + MASTERMIND WEDDING

After our time in Merida, we stopped by Chichen Itza [Wonder of the World] on our way to Tulum. Chichen Itza was cool, but it’s VERY TOURISTY + expensive for what it is, especially if you’ve visited ruins in other countries. We’re glad we checked another Wonder of the World off the list though.

As for Tulum…it started alright + kept declining from there. I’ve been there twice now, so I have a well formed opinion of the place. Let’s start with the good parts first. Two of our favorite friends, Adrian + Andrea, just finished building their new home and it’s freaking GORGEOUS! Secondly, the white sand beach, after you find a place to access it, is BREATHTAKING. Thirdly, the fashion. Muah! 85% of my wardrobe could be bought in Tulum, but be prepared for the Tulum Tax [aka huge markups]…it’s INSANE!

Okay…let’s talk about the bad + ugly parts now. This is what led me to absolutely HATE Tulum + decide to never return. Two disclaimers, I’ve been to over 50 cities in Mexico + think Mexico’s a hidden gem that’s gotten a bad rep [yes, there’s danger but not like the media portrays it], + I don’t take a harsh stance on a place like this very often [only other one is probably Cairo, Egypt], so let me explain. First, Tulum is basically Burning Man on the beach where people justify doing drugs all day long + claim it’s medicinal or ceremonial. It isn’t. They should just own the fact that they want to do drugs, knock back a few adult libations, lose all sense of time + space, dance to amazing music, take a dip in the ocean, + connect/play with their friends. Zero judgment. But, stop pretending it’s something deeper + super introspective. Tulum is not the setting to do that in. I’m sure there are places there but it’s certainly not on the beach. Second, you’re basically paying first world prices for third world quality everything [infrastructure, water, sewage, wifi, waste management, roads, customer service, etc.] except for some fancy restaurants + hotels. Third, the main road/strip is a joke + lights me up with anxiety whenever we’re on it regardless of high season or not. Fourth, we’ve experienced a massive fire each time we’ve been there. The first one was a pop-up shop full of merchants across the street from a nice restaurant we were dining at. It went up in flames + since there’s only one road we were stranded on the other side of our hotel until 2AM. When it let up, it was impossible to get a taxi so we ended up walking 3+ miles back to our place in very uncomfortable shoes. We’ve since found out that there’s a rumor the narcos did it, since the vendors didn’t pay up. Fifth, every taxi driver charges at least $20 USD to drop you less than a mile away. Sixth, we’ve encountered countless Google Maps inaccuracies [businesses not being open during business hours, businesses saying they’re open but are completely closed down, + dealing with completely inaccurate directions due to the constant new construction…and, these aren’t baby detours either, you have to figure out how to get there yourself with a bunch of one-way streets + cops ready to pull you over for going the wrong way]. Lastly, everything is super inefficient, harder than it needs to be, + every restaurant/club wants a minimum spend and nickels + dimes you for every little thing.

These last two incidents are the straw that broke the motherfuckin camel’s back for me. There are massive corruption + safety issues in Tulum. During our first visit, we accidentally biked down a private road to get to the main strip. Not only did one of the bikes have a broken chain, but we were shaken down by a guy at the start of the road [it wasn’t easy to go back since the bike was broken]. We paid him. Then, when we arrived at the end of the road there was a wooden gate/wall separating us from the main strip guarded by another man. This man tried to shake us down a second time. Cameron told him we paid the other guy + refused to pay again. The guy finally opened the gate + as soon as Cameron got through he tried to shut it and trap me inside. Super scary + not cool. Thankfully, Cameron caught the gate before it closed + wedged himself + the bike between the gate which prevented him from closing it. Who knows what would’ve happened if I got stuck in there? I definitely didn’t want to find out. And, the gate/wall was super tall + completely solid. Zero openings. Sketchy AF.

And, this last time, on Cameron’s actual birthday, our rental car was towed on some bogus charge that all cars need to be 30 feet [that’s a HUGE distance] from every intersection. This sent us on a wild goose chase to the police station, back to the rental car company for the contract, paying a fine, 6 different taxi cab fares, driving 20 minutes to the impound lot only to realize the cop didn’t give us the key to the car, + paying a crazy amount to have the car released from the impound lot. Oh…and it was sweltering hot. No gracias. You could tell it was standard, because there was a line of tourists at each location paying to get their car back. Clearly a cash cow but doesn’t leave a good taste in tourists’ mouths.

This is why Tulum has reserved the number one spot on my brand-new Places I Hate List. Cameron doesn’t feel as strongly as I do, because he’s much better at letting things go, but Tulum has personally exceeded my threshold for BS.

If you’ve been to Tulum, how do you feel about it? I’m curious. Comment below.